I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
