He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
