ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
