he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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