I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
