I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I am spending my child support on dildos
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
