She said her name was "party"
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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