The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
