I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
