when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
