He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
