Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
