and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
