Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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