You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
