Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
