He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Randomize
