ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
