he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
