He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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