The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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