When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i think my tv is drunk
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
