My brain says no but my pants say off.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Send help, water and tortillas.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
