It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
