ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize