in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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