you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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