My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
