So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
