His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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