Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
