Your face is a jimmy john
well I can't set my house on fire every night
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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