i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
jump out the window naked night went bad
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
