your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
