Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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