dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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