Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
