as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
