I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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