My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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