I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
