I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
