remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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