how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Randomize
