My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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