i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
