He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
