you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
