Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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