why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
