i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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