I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
