at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
