Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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