Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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